


The Emotionally Spastic Sleepover

by GayChaton



Series: Emails to Lie In [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (kind of), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Connor-centric, Emotional Manipulation, Everybody Lives, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor pining, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-12 09:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11158902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayChaton/pseuds/GayChaton
Summary: Slowly, Connor has begun to realize that emotions are something he'd been missing out on for a long time. A couple of rowdy boys have kicked some painfully real feelings back into his system.





	1. Chapter 1

Connor tapped the blunt lazily in his hand, watching the embers rise and ashes fall into the ashtray that he brought. "Fucking pussy."

"Fuck off," Jared growled, "if you don't have a bong then I'm not getting high."

Connor rolled his eyes. It wasn't even strong weed; it was actually some of the shittiest he'd ever bought. He got it with the intention of a tiny buzz to pass time with Jared in the first place. "If you don't want to get high, then don't. But if you _aren't_ going to get high, don't complain when you turned down the offer."

"Not my fault you don't have the equipment."

Connor rolled his eyes. "Is it that you really like bongs, or you hate joints?"

"I hate joints I don't roll," Jared retorted. "It has a very specific art and nobody else can do it."

"Shotgun," Connor lazily suggested.

Jared scoffed and raised his eyebrows. "Really. You're going for that cliche? On our perfect sleepover?"

Connor contemplated. They'd gotten permission from all of their parents to spend half the weekend at Evan's place, and Heidi had taken the night off to visit a nearby town for her own mental recovery. She'd offered to take Evan, but the boy insisted on staying to guard the house because he had a therapy session soon anyway. Connor knew the boy was just as excited to have everyone over for a night.

Except the girls. But then again, why would they want the girls over for that long?

"Yeah," Connor finally said. "Don't need to make it weird, I just don't want to be the only one baked."

"Yeah well you're the stoner here, dude, so you already had that reputation covered with us," Jared replied as he sat up. They were both sitting on Evan's bed, so at least it wasn't a long distance.

"Really, that's what turns the tides, my suggestion of shotgunning? That's what got you to get on board. Kinda a cliche way to get your crush to make out with you."

Jared didn't flinch. He didn't even seem deterred. "Do you want to be the only one baked?"

" _Fine,_ just shut up, you dick," Connor hissed, raising the joint to his lips. He took a hit and connected eyes with Jared as he inhaled longer than necessary.

Jared rolled his eyes. "You're calling _me_  a dick."

Connor grabbed Jared's jaw and pulled him closer, angling his head to the side. He opened his mouth and kept a few centimeters away for his own sanity, but he exhaled with tighter drawn lips so that the smoke would billow more directly into Jared's mouth anyway.

Jared's hand snapped up and latched onto his wrist, firm and sure. The boy inhaled and waited until Connor was done before yanking Connor's hand away from him.

Connor smirked and chuckled softly as Jared glared and exhaled through his nose.

"Don't caress my fucking jawline, dude."

"Who the fuck says 'caress'?" Connor mumbled. "Evan didn't want to do this with us."

"No harm, no foul," Jared said. "When he gets here we're gonna play games instead of just sitting here."

"Why not," Connor shrugged. "Games aren't really my jam though."

"Bullshit!" Jared chirped, kicking Connor's leg. "Game's are everyone's shit."

"Fuck off, Kleinman."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck _you."_

The argument tapered off as Jared briefly pulled out his phone.

With a sigh, Connor carded a hand through his wiry hair. "Is that game Evan suggested multiplayer?"

"Don't think it is," Jared said. He appeared to have calmed down once Connor showed interest. "We can watch that nerd and criticize though."

"Pff," Connor huffed, "we'll be his baked guardian angels."

Jared rolled onto his stomach and Connor did the same. 

"How come he tells you to shut up but never me?" Connor asked.

"He doesn't want to accidentally piss you off by having you interpret it as actually aggressive or some shit," Jared said.

"You," Connor mumbled. "Are far too articulate." He reached for his joint again and inhaled.

"This better be the only time we're doing this tonight," Jared retorted. "We're going to be third-wheeling the host."

To Connor's surprise, Jared leaned in almost immediately after Connor took the joint from his lips. He thought he'd have to pull Jared down to get him to shut up, but Jared met him halfway and took a clean hit. "You do lip shotgun a lot? Sounds kinda…"

"What," Jared laughed. Kleinman apparently found it hilarious and couldn't stop his laughter. "Gay? Dude, I'm the gayest gay Evan knows, what the fuck are you telling me for? I mean he's _always_ like 'You're not gay!' And I always say 'Why the hell are you ruining my favorite catchphrases?' What a dick."

Connor's brows furrowed and he tried to make sense of it. "Wanna explain?"

"I'm gay!" Jared yelled.

"A little more in depth, please?" Connor demanded. "Is Evan like, not cool with gay people?"

Jared laughed even harder and fell back on the bed.

Connor watched Jared collect himself and slowly return to lying on his stomach. "He just says that I'm pansexual, so I'm not technically gay. I think that's rude, like eh," Jared shrugged. "Umbrella term."

"Pansexual," Connor muttered under his breath, just to try saying it.

Jared continued, "He always is like, 'I'm not gay and you're not gay.' So I go 'And I'm not straight and you're not straight,' like, what is this, a Doctor Seuss story? Connor, are you straight or gay or the mysterious neither category that Evan advocates for?"

Connor was taken aback by the bluntness. "Excuse me."

"Relax," Jared mumbled, "you heard me. What're you gonna do, freak out and punch me? Please."

Connor's mind finally caught up. "… gay."

"Ooh, I called it. See? You're fine!"

"You're getting the biggest hit," Connor growled, sticking the blunt between his lips.

Jared sat up again with a cocky grin. "Whatever you say, Babe," he grinned.

Connor's anger flared and he dropped the joint promptly and reached for Jared's shoulders. They fell back onto the bed hard and bounced, but Connor jammed his mouth against Jared's and exhaled sharper than he probably should.

Jared coughed and squirmed and he actually kneed Connor in the stomach, but it didn't help him much as it just made Connor exhale sharply, which in turn forced more smoke into Jared's mouth.

Connor breathed in through his nose, trying to keep Jared caged in. While neither of them were muscular, they were a fairly even match as far as physical strength. Jared would win in a purely strength based wrestle, but Connor had the upper hand and gravity. He decisively kept his lips on Jared's. _I'll show you "Babe"_.

Jared's hands finally got free and went straight for Connor's hair, trying to pull him off. As Connor was pulled back, he moved his hand to Jared's neck to gain some semblance of an advantage.

Connor finally looked over Jared, looking messy and angry and most importantly, flustered. He relaxed his hand on Jared's throat, though it hadn't been choking or bruising anyway.

Jared's fist did not release his hair.

Connor, to his own surprise, laughed. "Best shotgun of your life, right, _Babe_?"

Jared's face fell blank, and Connor knew that Jared was internally scrambling for a way to react coolly and not flip out. Connor's toothy grin widened, knowing he could fuck the kid up so bad. Eventually, Jared released Connor's hair, pushed him away, and said "Babe, if you want to hate make-out you gotta warn me first."

"I thought I gave some pretty clear warning," Connor said, winking.

"Pretty hot and all, but then again, how could it not be when I'm involved?"

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," Connor growled.

Jared didn't seem fazed by the anger, he only flashed a cocky grin and flipped him off. "What, on Evan's bed? When he's gone at therapy? Sounds like you're being pretty irresponsible, Connor."

Connor leaned back on his calves, trying to decide what to do. Jared wasn't really beneath him, more lying down next to him. If he escalated things, Evan might walk in on something uncomfortable. But he couldn't imagine not doing something to shut Jared the fuck up.

"Do you like, get off on hate fucking? Oh god is that your kink? Jesus Christ, Connor, I don't think that'll work if you're gonna hook up with Evan, you'll have to pick one or the other—"

Connor moved forward again and smashed their lips together. Their teeth clacked, and Jared hissed in surprise.

Jared grabbed Connor's wrists, flipped him over, and pinned him to the bed, too far away for Connor to lean in again. "I'm being serious, so listen," Jared growled. "We're not doing this when Evan could walk in, and definitely not when you're like two conversations from asking him out. So you're gonna fucking stop, okay?"

Connor frowned. Well, yes, he was interested in Evan, and planning to talk to him about it soon, but Kleinman shouldn't know that. "Asking him out. How'd you kn—"

"Please," Jared sighed, letting go of Connor's hands and standing up. "It's the most you've interacted with like, anyone. Ever. And you _just_ told me you're gay."

Connor leaned back on his hands, hunching his shoulders. He waited about half a minute before starting again. "Y'know, I thought for the longest time that you and him were a thing."

"What gave it away, the friend break up last week, or the lack of anything constituting a relationship?" Jared shot a glare back. "Well you were wrong, what else is new,"

"Touchy subject?" Connor grinned. "Did you want it to be a thing?"

"It's Evan Hansen, the personification of innocence and hopefulness with a dash of inability of social skills. Who wouldn't? Other than, like, his biggest crush since ever: Zoe Murphy."

Connor cringed and scowled. "That's still a thing that weirds me the fuck out."

"That your gay crush had a crush on your lesbian sister?" Jared asked. "Uh, yeah, fucking freaky."

"Well I don't think… well. I don't fucking know, he and she coulda' been great for all I know."

"They won't though. Because he's always going to be more involved with you than her now."

Connor watched Jared stare at the ceiling for a moment. "I really thought you two were a thing."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because we weren't, Connor. He doesn't care about me now that he has actual friends, he cares about what I can do for him."

Well that was fucking bullshit. But Connor didn't want to go that direction. "Weren't you actual friends at some point?" Connor asked instead, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, in like, middle school maybe. Then I grew up and tried to have banter with him and he just never got the memo. He never took my jokes as jokes when I said we were family friends. What can I say? It was complicated and I can't fix his brain's anxiety. What was I supposed to do, kiss him and tell him everything's fine?" Jared shook his head. "It wouldn't be even if I did."

Connor breathed in the sight of Jared on Evan's bed, staring into the ceiling and with a face full of regret and anger. Connor wondered if Jared wanted to change things, or if he was just mad at how things turned out. Maybe Jared wasn't reckless and a bully like he'd thought. Maybe Jared was just bitter that he wasn't any better than he already was.

"I can't fix his problems. Nobody can."

Maybe he's fucked up too.

"Eh," Jared grunted, breaking the silence. "It's five. Evan's therapy session just ended."

Connor moved to the head of the bed and picked up his joint, knowing they'd both be sober within the next half an hour. "Get the candles, we should get rid of the smell if we want Evan to be able to sleep and everything."

Jared moved beside Connor. "Nah, incense sticks will work better."

Connor wasn't sure what the deal with Jared was, but there were a few things he knew now.

_One, Jared still liked Evan._

_Two, Jared was really just shitty at expressing care._

_And three, Jared was a really fucking good kisser, and that was going to become a problem._


	2. Chapter 2

Connor was sitting with his back to the bed when Evan entered the house breathing hard. He got to his feet when he heard the door slam, knowing that Jared had locked the door behind himself when they came in.

Evan entered the room with sweat glistening on his forehead and a red face.

"Evan?" Connor mumbled cautiously. He glanced at Jared, who stared at Evan with a dropped jaw.

"I-I the," Evan swallowed. "The doctor was talking and talking and _talking_ —"

"Evan," Jared said, standing up. His face was blank, but his eyes were attentive and steadily tracking Evan. "Breathe."

Evan inhaled heavily through his nose and ran his hands over his shoulders. "We talked about suicide."

Connor couldn't stop himself from freezing in place.

"I couldn- I couldn't say anything, and the question— it was so simple and I answered and then— then I just—"

Jared waited, moving next to Evan. Evan's breathing calmed down slightly, but he didn't speak. Jared took the initiative instead. "Are you fine with touching?"

"No," Evan said, though his voice broke.

"'Kay," Jared nodded. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

Evan shook his head.

"Are you fine with Connor touching you?" Jared asked, startling Connor.

A thousand protests screamed in Connor's mind.  _Why the hell would Kleinman—?_

Evan shrugged and took a shaky breath. "I— I don't— know?"

"That's fine. Go sit on your bed, Evan. We're going to go outside and give you a few minutes to breathe," Jared instructed, stepping aside so that Evan had a clear path to the bed.

Evan started towards the bed after only a moment of hesitation.

"Connor, come with me," Jared instructed. "Evan, the clock says… five eleven. We'll check back in five minutes, at five sixteen, okay? Promise."

With that, Jared opened the door and held it open, motioning to Connor. Connor watched Evan crawl onto his bed before he moved to follow Jared out. Before Jared closed the door, he reached in and flicked off the lights.

"What the fuck, Kleinman?" Connor whispered under his breath once Jared closed the door.

"Relax, Connor. Evan's having a panic attack," Jared said in a normal voice. "Stop whispering, it makes him nervous as fuck when he can't hear what people are talking about."

"Uh…" Connor glanced around.

Jared rolled his eyes and moved away. He walked to the front room of the house and checked the door to make sure it was locked. "Yes, these happen to him. No, there's no cure. Yes, I know what to do."

"You don't seem the type that would take it on as your problem," Connor admitted.

"We _are_  staying at his house," Jared said, rolling his eyes. "Anyways I've known him for what, seventeen years? Had to learn at some point."

"Shouldn't we be— I don't know," Connor hesitated. He really didn't know what to do, but from everything he'd heard about panic attacks, people liked to ride them out with people close to them. " _With_ him?"

"He said it himself, he doesn't want me to touch him, and he doesn't know if he wants you to touch him. He'll ride it out in his room like he usually does, and if—" Jared cut himself off. "Hold on."

Jared reached for his pocket, turning on his phone and glancing over the screen.

"He wants some water," Jared explained. He pocketed the phone and moved to the kitchen, waving for Connor to follow. Jared began getting a plastic cup and filling it with the filtered water in the fridge.

"He texts you if he needs something?"

"Yeah."

"What if he wants you to like, give him a hug?"

"It's happened before. I'm not big on the whole sweaty-gross hugs thing, or actually contact in general, but sometimes he asks for weird stuff and if it's not an awful idea, I give it. Like uh, once, my flannel. Once he just asked for my hand to hold. Whatever works works. Everything's like, at _least_  fifty percent better when he's not freaking out."

"Is he going to ask me for anything?" Connor asked nervously. He agreed, he didn't want Evan to freak out any more than he already was, but it Evan was going to ask for something he didn't know how much he'd be able to help.

"I don't know what he's going to do," Jared said. He turned around to the fridge and went about putting ice in the glass of water. "If you don't want to, he won't. Actually, he'd probably like to know."

"Uh…" Connor hesitated. "I'll do what I can, I guess? I'll try."

"Cool. Evan, if you want anything else for when time comes, Connor's okay if you need something," Jared said, raising his voice slightly so that his voice would carry better.

After a second, he pulled out his phone again.

"Come look," Jared said.

 

**Tree Loser 5:12**

Watser plsaw

 

**Tree Loser 5:15**

Plewste ask connor to bribg the wqter

 

Connor looked up at Jared.

"M-hm," Jared hummed. "He might want to talk with you."

"What if he wants you to help him?"

"Then he'll text me again," Jared shrugged. "He usually goes non-vocal after the initial panic, but if he talks he does. I'm going to put headphones on and blast music so I'm not eavesdropping on your gooey feelings talk."

Connor frowned. "But he—"

"It's five sixteen. You need to go," Jared said, pushing the glass of water into Connor's hands. "If you need, just apologize and step out, he'll be fine."

Connor turned on his heel and walked back to Evan's room, wondered what he should do, and then knocked on the door.

"Just go in," Jared said when there was no reply.

Connor paused, wondering if it was really Jared's place to say. He caught a glimpse of Jared putting on black gaming headphones before he turned back to the task at hand and twisted the doorknob, stepping in.

Evan's room was darker, now lit by the fading daylight coming through the window. Evan was sitting crosslegged on his bed, hunched over and picking at his shoe.

"Hey," Connor croaked, though Evan only looked up. "Got that water for you, I mean. Water's fucking great right?" He moved forward to find a way to give the water to Evan, but paused when he couldn't decide if he should put it on the bed or on the desk without coaster.

Evan reached out his hand, and Connor shakily handed it to him.

As soon as the weight left Connor's hand, he retreated half a step and sat down at the foot of the bed. "I don't know what to— I mean I never knew anyone who had these? I've had like, fucking batshit episodes, but those aren't like yours and you wouldn't get that so I don't know what to do here."

Evan took a sip from his water and put it down between his legs. "Sorry."

"It's okay it's just… I don't know what you want me to do," Connor admitted. "Like, do you want me to hug you?"

Evan shook his head pretty quickly, and some tension left Connor.

"Okay, do you want to… uh, talk about it?"

There was a larger gap between the question and the answer, but Evan shrugged.

Connor stared. "… Okay, well, suicide, right? That sucks. Like uh, I get that, it sucks being suicidal because you're either so devoted to doing it that it's infuriating that people try to stop you or you're not sure if that's even what you want and that's fucking terrifying."

Connor caught Evan's eye for a second before Evan looked down.

"… I didn't know that you were…"

"I was," Evan said, nodding. "I tried."

Connor paused, biting his cheek. "Well fuck."

Evan laughed softly under his breath. "Yeah. And- and I thought to myself for so long, 'you didn't let go, you just, you fell'. Because uh, why would it matter anyway? It didn't work."

"I um…" Connor said, "I guess I don't know what to say to you because I don't even know what I would say to me."

"I think— maybe, we should say, that we're glad we messed up with that stuff."

Connor raised his eyebrows. "Glad we messed up suicide?"

"Y-yeah," Evan mumbled. "I've had a lot of, uh. Time, recently, to be alone and think about this and I think, I think I had sone weird conversations with myself but I think I'm glad for that and maybe you should be too— Sorry, th-that was pretty presumptuous, and— and rude—"

"No, Evan, you're right, it's really fucking lucky I messed up long enough to meet you. It was worth it for that, I guess," Connor said. "And, I really hope you get that I mean that, Evan. I didn't really want fame and fortune or anything but you've spread a message to places I thought I'd never be able to get the attention of. Even my parents woke the hell up, like holy shit, right?"

Evan smiled. "You just m-mean a lot to me. I guess that's what would be good to say."

"Evan," Connor whispered. "Of course you mean a lot to me. You're like, a solid fifty percent of all I care about in the world."

Evan laughed, "that's a lot?"

Connor's lips twitched up too.

"Yeah I mean- thank you. Y-you're so much more important than I think you believe."

Connor scoffed and rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Now you're going too far."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean—" Evan said, backtracking.

"It's fine, I was joking," Connor assured.

"Oh. I uh. Sorry."

"You're pretty funny."

"Thanks," Evan said flatly.

Connor looked away. "There's like, a thousand other ways everything could have gone. Millions of what-ifs. What if Jared didn't tell me how to help you just now? What if people didn't think I wrote your letter? What if I'd killed myself like I wanted to?"

"… What if _I_ had?"

It's in that moment that Connor thought he finally got it. He got why Evan wanted to start The Connor Project, why it mattered to ask people to think twice before offing themselves. Why people felt such terror at the prospect.

Connor realized that he could have lost Evan before they even met.

"Well…" Connor mumbled, scrambling for something to say that didn't sound rude or insensitive, and God he didn't have to think about being careful for such a long time. "Of all the ways it could have happened, this one's working out pretty well for me."

 Evan gave a tentative smile. "Yeah, I-I think I could say the same, definitely."

"Do you want to get Jared in here? Are you like, okay?" Connor asked, raising an eyebrow.

Evan bit his lip and looked down at the his shoes. "Yeah, I'd like that. Sorry."

"You want to talk to him alone?"

"I think I— I need to. In a way, at least."

"Evan," Connor said. "You don't need to tell him anything."

"Yeah, no. I know, but I do. I… I really have to, after all the fighting recently."

Connor furrowed his eyebrows, he figured Jared had gotten it together after last weekend, but he wasn't sure until Evan invited him over too. "I'll get him."

"Thank you."

Connor stood, stretched, and walked back to the door. He forgot how bright indoor lighting was, and blinked a few times. Jared sat on the couch with his phone in his hands as he tapped a beat onto the side of the phone case. Connor just walked up and kicked his foot lightly.

Jared looked up and threw off his headphones. "Well, do you need to tap out for a few? I know it's a little freaky seeing him this—"

"He wants to talk to you."

Jared's voice tapered off. "Like… instead of you? What?"

"He needs to tell you something important. He says you deserve to know after all this time or something."

"Oh…" Jared glanced at Evan's door with concern. "Is he… alright?"

Connor sat down on the couch and stole Jared's headphones, jacking them into his own phone. "No."

With that, he put on the headphones and blasted his music. He could see Jared stand up and move almost nervously up to the door before he hesitated. He took a moment, psyched himself up, and went in.

Connor's eyes dropped to the floor and he waited.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes interactive media files! Follow along and click the very real things that consists of Evan's Unintentional Blackmail Folder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://popbytes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/black-suits-4.jpg
> 
> https://twitter.com/will_roland/status/822494419555414018
> 
> https://youtu.be/MhS55mhHnE0
> 
> https://ibb.co/d6cmsa
> 
> https://youtu.be/ivyIN7ojxco

There wasn't much Connor could do but doze off on Evan's couch as he waited for Evan to tell Jared. The music in Jared's headphones was loud enough for him to be unconcerned with accidental overhearing, so he put his head down on one of the soft armrests and slept.

He woke up to a shake on the shoulder, which he recoiled from quickly with a scowl. When he looked up Jared was looking down at him, unimpressed.

"We're done."

"Oh…" Connor mumbled. Finally his mind caught up. "You…?"

"Can't say I was expecting it, but he didn't freak out too bad, we talked. And hugged a bit, and then he asked if we could leave the topic for the night. I said yeah, so now we're gonna look through all the media files I've ever sent him for fun."

For a moment, Connor leaned in, trying to get a read on Jared. It was difficult, he hadn't wanted to understand what a person was actually feeling in a long time. He hadn't cared enough in a long time. Looking at Jared's face, he couldn't detect much other than he looked just about as fucked up as he had when they were getting stoned. Dissatisfied, Connor rolled his eyes and sat up, returning to the new topic. "It can't be that bad."

"It's fucking awful, and it's basically what would happen if Evan tried to compile a blackmail list."

"Jesus Christ," Connor muttered with a smirk as he stood up. "Let's fucking do it."

"Everyone's a fuckin' savage, I guess," Jared mumbled, but he followed Connor back into Evan's room anyway.

The lights were on again, and Evan had his laptop on his knees. He'd finally taken his shoes off. "We should sit on the floor," Evan suggested when they walked in. "Y-you know, so that we all have room."

Connor shrugged and sat down next to where Jared threw himself down. As soon as Evan sat with them, Jared moved closer and took the computer. Connor shuffled next to Jared so that the computer would be in the middle of everybody.

Jared's fingers tapped at the search bar and clicked on an icon faster than Connor could read, but he could see that they had Skype's messaging system pulled up in the background. Soon enough, Jared smiled. "Here we go. All shared png, jpg, mp3, mp4, and links within message files all in one folder. Thank you, skype coding."

Connor raised his eyebrows. "What do you have?"

A photo appeared on the screen of Jared facing the screen with a less-than-flattering expression on, some sort of blue guitar held vertically in front of him. A quick glance around the rest of the photo revealed a band posing in similarly fake poses with a lead singer raising a fist. Only the chin was really visible from the way whoever it was had their head dropped back.

Evan lurched forward and slapped a hand over his mouth.

Connor felt a wolfish grin spread across his face. "Jared? The fuck is this?"

"Jesus Christ, dude," Jared whined, throwing his head back. "I regret this, honestly."

"You played guitar?" Connor asked. He could almost feel the tension that Evan contained, trying to keep himself straight-faced.

"It was a bass," Jared hissed. "And I really fucking miss that thing so fuck off."

Evan finally let out a giggle. "I remember that Battle of the Bands."

"Jared, c'mon," Connor cooed softer. "Tell me the name of your grunge-ass garage band."

Jared's face disappeared into his hands, and he muttered something.

Evan grinned. "The Black Suits."

"I _said,_ we were a Rock N' Roll band, not a garage band," Jared hissed louder.

Evan laughed even harder. "That was the big song!"

"Shut the fuck up! I liked that song!"

"Pardon?" Connor sputtered.

"There was the intro song we did and it was called Rock N' Roll Band! Evan, shut up you're the only one laughing!"

Evan shook his head, "I forgot how bad it looked!"

Jared reached for the laptop. "Well we are fucking done mocking my beautiful musical career."

Connor squinted. "Why's Evan like, dying?"

"Because he was the goddamn lead singer!" Jared exclaimed, prompting a burst of laughter from Evan.

"What the fuck," Connor muttered with a smile as Evan fell back onto the carpet.

Jared snatched the computer. "Hypocrite. What's next?"

A few clicks past shared links later, Jared paused on a link.

"Oh, this one's something from my twitter…" Jared clicked on it and it only showed him in the bottom left of a relatively blank setting. "Oh… fuck right. My reaction to inauguration day. Skip, motherfucker."

Jared closed the window and continued on the progress through the folder.

"Holy shit."

"What?" Evan asked, as he finally regained his composure.

"Remember Christmas 2012?"

Evan's face split into a smile. "Oh my gosh, yes!"

"What?" Connor asked.

"Okay well," Jared paused, lowered the laptop a bit, and turned to Connor. "First things first. What were you doing on the night of Christmas 2012?"

"Nothing, my family is Jewish," Connor muttered.

"Shit, really?" Jared asked.

"Yeah, Evan didn't you know that?" Connor asked.

Evan's face fell as he thought for a second, but he nodded, "yeah, your mom said she prepared for bat mitzva season for you."

Jared looked him up and down for a second. "Shit, does this mean we have to get you, like, eight presents for Hanukkah now? Evan, I don't know how other religions work, how the fuck am I supposed to do this."

"Pff," Connor smirked, kicking Jared with his knee. "That's not how Chanukah works, you fucking antisemitic dick. You get like, a fucking chocolate coin every day and that's it."

"Jared, you do realize you're Jewish right?" Evan asked.

Jared shrugged helplessly. "You're ruining the fucking joke. I was raised Jewish and now I think God's dead! What the fuck do you want, in depth knowledge of all religion?"

Evan sighed sympathetically and looked up at Connor. "His kohen still thinks he's devout."

Connor shook his head, noticing his cheeks were starting to hurt. He hadn't smiled this much in a long time.

"And that's how it will stay. !ow anyways," Jared said, twisting the laptop towards Connor. "My mom likes to make me do community service to make me a better person or whatever. Well she picked a Christmas cabaret one year and I had to join, but instead of being a techie or crew I did this."

"Why were you going to a Christmas celebration if you're Jewish?"

"Because Christmas festivites are a thing my parents accept, and it was a nice party. Shut up and watch!"

Connor watched Jared click the link, which pulled up a YouTube video. It read "Mr. Chestnut's Christmas Medley- Jared Kleinman, Ami Kirihara, Noble Sanfino". The video started with the pianist talking to the woman on stage, and after only a few seconds, Jared got impatient and scrubbed through the video until he stopped it, and pressed play.

_"-er tears were filled with such genuine love, that they watered nuts, that amazingly sprung back to life in the form of the magical… Mr. Chestnut!"_

Connor felt his mouth fall open a bit as he watched a figure emerge from shadows, run around the girl in the dark for a moment, and then face the light. Jared, in some kind of baggy brown outfit and a hat, and tights.

Thin tights with visible bright red boxer briefs overtop.

"What…"

He heard a squeak and looked over at Evan, who was almost silently wheezing into his knees.

On the screen, Jared danced as if he were on fire, made some fat joke about Santa, called himself a quote-unquote "boy-nut", and ran to the stage with the mysteriously present girl in hand.

"Oh fuck, here it comes," Jared whispered with a face splitting grin.

Connor returned his gaze with fear to the screen, only to watch Jared start dancing and singing "Winter Wonderland". The swinging dance made the baggy costume bounce, and Connor was caught completely off guard again by how much fucking bright red underwear was showing.

"Jared what the fuck," Connor whispered with a scrunched up face.

Evan made another noise, and Jared turned the laptop away.

"You let that be put online?" Connor asked in the same harsh whisper. He wanted to blush and laugh and possibly jerk off to the thought of Jared in tights later, so his face settled on a vaguely shocked expression.

"Nobody I know has found it yet," Jared chuckled. "And I'd know if they had."

Evan breathed sharply, trying to get it under control.

"Right," Jared mumbled. "Next."

There was a singular image file that popped up, followed by a link to youtube.com. The image file had the label "screamalone.jpg".

Jared seemed to know what it meant, with a smile. He turned to Evan. "Do I have to show the video? 'Cause I had to act like I was scared of Michael Mell. Michael fucking Mell."

"No, just explain the cabaret and pull up the pic," Evan said.

"So there was this other cabaret," Jared explained to Connor, "where I also chose to sing a thing. Except this time it was kind of a quartet comedy thing, and we only had two mics, so the stage manager told us to like, act the characters and shit. And I was basically like, me, but the dude I was sharing mics with had to do a total personality flip. Went from a fucking loser to psycho cat man, and we ended up scream-singing at each other across the mic and it made for a great screenshot."

After a second of loading, the image that popped up was pretty big, with two girls on the right and Jared and some dude on the left. Nonetheless, it was undeniably clear that they were tensed, psyched up, and fucking screaming at each other two inches away.

"Is all of this just like, embarrassing singing and music events from your past?"

"No there's some great screenshot pics of me from when we frequented Snapchat too, but the really good shit is all the stuff my mom made me do and The Black Suits," Jared sighed. "What do you think, Evan? Good blackmail material?"

"We should just play games and fall asleep," Evan muttered, stuffing his face deep into the junction of his elbow.

"Or we could revisit some of those Black Suits songs! Oh wow here's the link to the song!"

"Jared—"

_"I'm gonna fin'lly connect, get some respect, I'm gonna,_

_conquer the world and get the girl!"_

Evan groaned, but mumbled along.

_"I'm gonna, scream and shout, knock you out, I'm gonna_

_conquer the world and get the girl."_

Connor shook his head with an amused grin. "That's your lyric writing?"

"It was really catchy at the time, okay!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So no, as far as I'm aware, skype doesn't save links to a file, but it does save all image files transferred through skype, and those can be found in a folder and organized by date. So, it's partially real I guess.


	4. Chapter 4

Connor woke on a bed that was too small to be comfortable with no recollection of where he was.

He blinked groggily and pulled his head from the pillow, slowly tensing and relaxing all of his muscles. He looked off to the side of the bed and saw Jared sleeping on his stomach, arms tucked neatly around a pillow to keep his head propped up.

"Connor," a soft voice whispered.

Connor sat quickly and saw Evan standing by the door.

"Come to the kitchen, let's not wake Jared up."

Nodding, Connor quietly drew himself from the bed and padded out behind Evan. "Is Jared a light sleeper?"

"No," Evan said. "Are you?"

"It's spotty," Connor shrugged.

"He likes to sleep, so I usually let him sleep as long as he needs to," Evan said.

Connor nodded slightly. "S'nice of you."

"Want any breakfast?"

"I have depression."

Evan frowned. "If you can stomach anything, I'd appreciate if you tried to eat something."

After a moment, Connor moved to the kitchen and peered in. "Toast?"

Evan smiled and moved past Connor to the kitchen. "We only have white bread, I hope that's okay—"

"Holy fuck, white bread?" Connor exclaimed. "I haven't had real bread in fucking years, gimme that shit!"

Evan giggled nervously. "What do you mean?"

"Evan, my mom's a rich white lady she only buys fucking rye bread and shit. Hook me up, man."

Evan pulled out a loaf of cheap store-bought white bread and put two slices into the toaster. "What do you want on it?"

"Butter and…" Connor considered the possibilities. What had he missed the most? "Cinnamon-sugar."

Evan smiled softly and moved to the cabinet. "I'll mix some for you."

"Shit, dude, you don't have to—"

"I want to! I want to, I swear," Evan promised. He pulled cinnamon from the cubby and moved to the fridge, removing sugar from there.

"So…" Connor muttered to fill the silence. "Uh, how did it go yesterday?"

Evan looked up, unsure.

"With… telling Jared?"

After a moment, Evan's face scrunched up and he looked down. "Uh, I don't know if I should say— I guess it doesn't matter. Uh, he cried! Only for like, half a minute though, and he kinda walked away as it happened, and then I d-don't know, he said he was kind of suicidal because, uh, apparently everybody is at least a little in our generation, or something like that. I thought he was being a jerk and lying and stuff, because you know, he's Jared! But he said he has a drawer for medicine in his room and he keeps the last few days worth of medications and antibiotics in case he ever decides to, so, I think I was wrong."

"I'd uh, I'd say that matters."

Evan looked down. "S-Sorry."

"It's good that I know but, like. Fuck man I didn't think Jared…"

Connor thought about Jared for a second. The kid who knew everybody and nobody. He inexplicably had everybody's contact info and never used half of it for good or bad. Kid who lived off of deflecting topics and morbid rants and offensive comments.

"Fuck," Connor muttered.

"He said he wouldn't," Evan said. "That he likely would just throw them away in a few years, but that he wants to go out before the world does and that's how."

"Shitty way to go," Connor shrugged. "Slow, unpredictable, you can't even be sure it'll kill you."

Evan dropped the spoon he was using for measuring on the counter, thankfully it was empty. "Could we— maybe uh, stop t-talking about—?"

" _Shit_ yeah uh, sorry. I guess I'm just fucking used to thinking about it plainly. Sorry, Evan," Connor said. He did feel genuine guilt, but he was still wondering about Jared.

"Jared got really shocked when I said, well, everything. I felt bad, when he got up and paced and cried, but then he just sat down with me and laid on the bed. And—"

The toast popped up, and Evan grabbed a butter knife on the way before continuing.

"And he cursed at me for letting him joke about it. I think that's his way of apologizing."

Connor scoffed. "At some point he's gotta stop speaking Jared and start speaking English like the rest of us, cause people out in the world won't care enough to learn how to decode it."

"That's okay, he doesn't need them, he has us."

A small surprised chuckle rattled in Connor's chest, and he watched Evan carefully. He did look pretty, and was dorky and nice and trusting and kindhearted and so fucking beautiful, Connor didn't know when he had even fucking started to fall in love.

Thinking about it, it was probably somewhere between waking up in a hospital with a lie to conform to and standing in a kitchen, but that was kind of obvious.

It hadn't hit him until recently that he'd come to care and want to help and protect and grow with the kid who lied to the entire internet to help out a singular fucked-up family. Yet, when he had the revelation a few days ago that even though he wasn't a person with friend experience to spare, these weren't friendly feelings.

 _Friendly_  feelings were Alana Beck offering a pencil to Connor in a strict class where he would have gotten in trouble without it, even when Connor hadn't asked, and Alana telling him he looked good with his hair up last weekend.

 _Friendly_  feelings were Heidi Hansen sitting down with Connor at a Starbucks because she got a break and wanted to meet him, and Heidi offering to pay even though she had money but said Connor could repay her by smiling at her awful jokes, and Heidi telling him he needed to either get some sleep or use makeup to cover the bags under his eyes like the rest of the world.

Friendly feelings were Zoe finally becoming more than just family related, and telling him that flannel was still a trend he filled well, and not even blinking when he came into her room to steal her nail polish.

Friendly feelings were Jared… well, not really, because apparently they were now friends-with-benefits, but something along the lines of Jared sending ambiguously unexplained links to suspiciously interest-specific jokes and videos, and Jared making snide jokes about other people instead of him, and Jared stealing parts of Connor's lunch because really Jared only steals from people he's close to.

And friendly feelings _used_ to be Evan offering to talk in quiet hallways if the cafeteria was too much, and Evan suggesting ways to study with everyone else in their new friend group to actually try at better grades, and Evan reminding Connor that he's better off without drugs and they'll all support him along the way. Those used to be friendly, but under a slightly different angle they're the feelings that weren't just reasons not to die but reasons to be passionate and caring and happy. Reasons to be a better person to start deserving that stuff too.

"Connor?" Evan asked quietly. "Do you want to eat at the table or on the couch?"

Connor blinked back into the present. "Shit. Uh, don't care."

Evan nodded and walked towards the couch with a plate in both of his hands.

Connor followed Evan's lead and sat on the couch, taking the plate when Evan lifted it. The toast tasted great, a little soft, and Connor smiled, savoring the food. He couldn't remember the last time he cared enough to actually taste the food he forced himself to stomach, but the white bread and sugar and cinnamon tasted fantastic.

To his side, Evan laughed softly. Connor raised a brow, and Evan explained, "Oh, sorry, just. You're smiling a lot more recently. Not like, I mean I know last weekend was kind of more, not so much, you know? But after that, and this weekend and all."

"I was baked yesterday," Connor said around his food. "Blame it on the drugs, man."

"No, not 'blame it on the drugs', because I think you're doing better. Maybe not- I mean I don't want to assume, sometimes people act happier when they're worse, and I know that, but—"

"Dude I am happier. Which is to say that I'm happy at all, but it's such a fucking gift anyway. Never thought I'd live to see myself feel better at all."

"I'm really glad to hear that," Evan said quietly with the sweetest smile. "I love you, y'know?"

Connor felt his heart thump in his chest, and he swallowed. "You love me?" he repeated.

"Oh uh—" Evan's face flushed instantly, but that wasn't a giveaway at all because he flushed whenever he felt uncomfortable too. "I'm sorry, that's such a weird thing to say and probably way too far, like God that's so stupid."

"Like… romantically or…?"

"Yeah, and that's like, so crazy right? Because I'm supposed to be your friend and your support in the lie and even out of it now but it's so selfish for me to want to change things, I know, and I'm sorry, I can just pretend like it's nothing cause it is, it is nothing!"

"It's _not_  nothing," Connor said, with his voice rising in volume to rise over Evan's.

Evan stopped in his tracks. Evan did that a lot, it was touch and go when he was caught off guard, always either too shocked to say anything or saying everything all at once.

Connor took the opportunity to clear things up. "I'm into you too, dumbass. There's no need to freak out over this, everybody can go fuck themselves if they think it matters to the story or whatever. I want to be selfish."

Evan ran his fingers over his own knuckles and furrowed his brows. "Uh— selfish?"

"You said it's selfish to want to change things? Well fuck it. What's one more thing to hate about myself when the payoff is a chance at this?"

"I—" Evan readjusted how he was sitting on the couch so that he was facing Connor. "You— you really want something?"

"Go out with me?"

"If— oh gosh, if you want? I mean yes, yes I'd love that— I mean like—"

"Evan can I kiss you?"

Evan looked at Connor like he'd forgotten how to speak English, but rushed forward and pressed his lips against Connor's. He kept his lips mostly closed, and brought his hands up to hold Connor's head as he did, a soft gentle presence that didn't push or pull. Connor was grateful for that, because if Evan had tried to move him he probably would have begun to feel uncomfortable for his first kiss with Evan-fucking-Hansen, the incarnation of taking it slow. Instead, this speed was preferable and actually very minimal effort on both sides.

Connor, after a brief pause to consider what would be appropriate, wrapped his arms casually around Evan's body, giving a loose hold on his waist.

After what seemed like a full minute, Evan moved backwards and sat on his legs, disconnecting the contact. Evan giggled and licked his lips. "You taste like cinnamon-sugar."

Connor laughed breathlessly, closing his eyes and tilting his head back until it rested against the back of the couch. "You're like the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I think Jared once said that you were the best thing to ever happen to me," Evan said. "Wow, like, perfect fit, right?"

"Oh," Connor muttered. "Fuck. Jared."

"What? Do you think we should tell him?" Evan asked, seeming to begin worrying. "I mean I'm not even sure if we're boyfr—"

"Yes, we're boyfriends," Connor interrupted. "Don't freak out over that, Ev."

"Then what?"

Connor groaned and ran a hand over his face. "Okay, so yesterday, before you showed up?"

"Oh?"

"I got him high by shotgunning, and we were sober by the time you got back, but it basically led into what I can only describe to you as a hate-fueled kissing mess."

Evan furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh."

"He said he didn't think we should do anything that led to anything."

Evan's worry seemed to dissipate somewhat, but he looked more confused. "Oh?

"Yeah, right?"

"Well I mean. As long as you guys aren't anything—"

"That's what I'm saying. It may be more of a friends-with-benefits thing to him. I think that's how I took it anyway, he thought we'd be hooking up soon and didn't want to get in the way of that."

"This is overly complicated," Evan muttered.

"Isn't it always?"

"Not usually this bad!"

"Evan we're running a con that's already tricked people into donating thousands of dollars for what was originally a fake con, I think that's at least as bad as this!"

Across the room, Evan's door creaked open, and Jared stepped out. He was adjusting his glasses on his nose as he stepped forward.

Connor and Evan had fallen deadly silent.

Jared stretched. "Morning, fuckos."

"Uhh," Evan hesitated, only loud enough for Connor to hear.

Jared looked between Connor and Evan for a moment. "Oh, so you finally asked him out. Congratu-fucking-lations, now more importantly, do you have enough stuff in the kitchen for pancakes?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The polyamory negotiations chapter. Blessed be.

Connor stood uncomfortably next to Evan in the doorway of the kitchen, watching Jared march from cabinet to cabinet in search of ingredients.

"I swear Evan, this is the last time you host without me grocery shopping first. The fuck is a sleepover without pancakes in the morning? This may be the biggest grievance of my life."

Evan shifted from foot to foot. "Jared, uh, don't you want to talk about this?"

"Not at the moment, Evan. Really? You serenade with white bread but cant be bothered to go shopping for pancake mix."

"Man," Connor asserted, "we're trying to have a serious conversation."

Jared ceased his dig through the spoon drawer with two in each hand, letting them clatter to the counter. "And I am _trying_  to have a typical American breakfast."

"Jared, please, do I need to make a code for when I'm being serious?" Evan asked, stepping forward.

Jared faltered half a second, but put up a half-hearted snide look. "That'd be a good idea to set up between you and Connor but—"

"Kleinman," Connor interjected with an exasperated tone.

Jared stopped, finally. "Fine. You're boyfriends now, right? What more is there?"

"You and Connor…?" Evan suggested. He was probably trying to prompt a discussion but it sounded more like a request to change the subject.

"Yeah, okay. But that was before, and obviously I'm not going to make Connor cheat on you. Did you think I was?"

"Nonono it's just uh, if you were together first? Wouldn't that mean that uh, I made Connor cheat on you?"

Connor watched Jared's face contort quickly before he barked out a laugh. "Jared," Connor warned.

"Connor. Cheating on you. With _me_. Jesus Christ, Evan, it's like you don't even think about what you're saying!" Jared laughed, crossing his arms. "If you wanna get to the point real quick, I don't think Connor even wants anything between us. Right?"

The room froze around Connor as Evan's eyes turned to him too, and he considered briefly. The politically correct answer was 'no', then he and Evan could date and that would be the end of it. Something, though, told him that wasn't what he should say. So he stood, eyebrows furrowed, as both Evan and Jared stared.

"… wait _right_?" Jared asked, taking a step back.

Evan's hands were a jittering mess as he moved to stand more in Connor's way. "C-Connor, if you want to date Jared instead of me, y—"

"No," Connor hissed, jumpstarting back into the present. "No, Evan, you're not replaceable."

"Well then, what about, about Ja-Jared?"

"Jared…" Connor paused. He breathed out through his nose and looked over Evan's shoulder at Jared, who stood half a room away with a guarded expression. "Uh. This is so fucking awkward to talk about."

"Well there you have it, like rule number one of consent," Jared interjected, shrugging. "If you can't communicate what you want clearly, you shouldn't be doing it."

Connor felt a flash of irritation cross his mind. He turned on Jared with a scowl. "Well if you're so good at communication why don't you clear things up yourself? You always talk like you're the only one who understands how to communicate but you're the last one to clear things up because you just want to swoop in and save the day."

"I'll make it real clear for you then," Jared said, stepping forward. He gave an angry smile with glinting eyes. "I'm interested in being more-than-friends, but to the surprise of everyone, I'm fine if that doesn't happen and you go about dating Evan Hansen. Please select your relationship with Jared Kleinman: friends, friends-with-benefits, or boyfriends!"

Connor stepped forward to loom over Jared, but the confident and angry smile stuck on the boy's face no matter how intimidating he tried to make himself look. So instead, he hesitated, stepped back, and glanced away in thought. "Evan. What are you comfortable with?"

"W-well obviously, uh, I was completely fine with us all being friends, no matter what and all, so ah, that's fine. Like, obviously. But— um, if you want to somehow, like, I don't k-know how that would work exactly, but d-date Jared too? Uh, I guess I don't think that would be a proble— I mean I just guess I wouldn't be resentful or angry, or, or anything like that at all."

Connor licked his lips and looked back down at Jared, who had retreated into a smaller smirk. "Jared?"

Jared tilted his head up, smirking wider. "Yes?"

"Do you have feelings for Evan?"

The cocky façade shattered on Jared's face, almost as if he'd been physically struck.

Connor glanced over at Evan to gauge his reaction, but it was impossible to get more than a look of complete shock out of him.

"Y'know what," Jared muttered, straightening his shirt out. He began to move forward between the two. "I'm not going to sit here and fuck around. Friends. That's it, have fun making out before your mom comes ho—"

Just as Jared bumped past the two to march out to presumably leave, Evan jolted forward and grabbed Jared by the elbow.

Jared spun to face him with wide eyes, but an annoyed and somewhat hurt expression replaced it. "What?"

"L-listen, we don't want to hurt your feelings," Evan said. "I-I don't kn-know what this is that we're even doing right now, at all, even, but— here. You like Connor, right."

Jared swallowed. Then, unceremoniously, "Yeah."

Evan's eyes turned to Connor, somewhat more nervous. "And C-Connor, you like Jared?"

"Uh," Connor mumbled, unsure of how to flat out describe the vague feeling of strong attachment. No words felt exactly right, like it was something he couldn't even express. So instead, he conceded the obvious. "Yes."

"Then w-why don't you try dating? Or- or maybe just, try the," Evan swallowed and continued with a breaking voice, "friends-with-benefits thing. And I'll be involved with Connor and I don't really know- Jared, I know that's not good enough, but—"

"Hey," Jared interrupted. He looked between Connor and Evan, and collected himself. "You'e doing fine, Junior Park Ranger. I won't, like, run out, okay?"

Evan nodded and let go of his arm.

"Jared," Connor spoke up, drawing attention. "Let's try friends-with-benefits and see how it goes."

After a moment, Jared shrugged and nodded.

Connor rolled his eyes and took one step forward. He threw one arm over Jared's shoulder onto his back side and used the other to tilt Jared's chin up so that he could press their lips together.

Jared jolted under him in surprise, but quickly snaked a hand over Connor's hips and bit his lip before shoving him away at the chest. "I need to get you to work on your warning system."

Connor rolled his eyes and turned to Evan. "May I?"

Evan, only being slightly shorter than Connor, nodded and put both hands on Connor's jaw to pull him in. Where Jared was all fight and competition and teasing, Evan was soft, forgiving, patient, and most importantly, slow. It wasn't as if Evan's lips were magical, they were actually pretty chapped and a bit dry, but Evan was caring and that meant much more.

When Connor pulled away, Jared was looking between them. "Uh, well, alright then. We keeping the Connor-and-me thing secret? Because, that would be awful for publicity."

Connor scoffed. "And what, Evan and I are fair game?"

"Actually," Jared said. "Not to make love a selling point, but it would be a fucking _great_  selling point. If you're fine with it that could raise a lot of interest and momentum."

"What'dyou mean?" Evan asked.

Jared laughed. "Okay so like, you lose the homophobe fans. Whatever, they were gonna figure it out anyway. But Connor has a public romantic relationship with the guy who saved his life? If Connor and me are a publicity nightmare, you and him are the wet dream."

"B-but we're just people?" Evan muttered.

"Not if this becomes internet famous," Connor retorted. "Jared, you _can't_ let that happen."

Evan's face turned more confused as Jared turned solemnly agreeing. "What?" Evan asked. "What, why?"

"Evan, if this becomes about romance, it's not going to be about helping people any more," Connor said. "They're going to make you and I story characters with star crossed lover tropes. They're going to read Connor Project and think 'gay lovers', not 'suicide awareness'."

"We need to keep this from ever getting to Beck," Jared added, already thinking ahead. "If she ever hears before we talk it out—"

"Wait, wait but Alana could help us?" Evan interjected.

"Of course she wants to help," Jared sneered, "she's just going to think she's helping and then doom you if you don't show her otherwise."

"So who tells her?" Evan asked.

Connor paused, imagining talking to Alana alone.

"Me," Jared said.

"W-well I could—"

"Evan, you couldn't stop her if you tried."

Connor wanted to protest, but the idea of Evan being able to stop Alana from doing as she pleased wasn't really conceivable.

"And besides, we need to get this on lock asap. … Unless you want to keep everything a secret?" Jared asked.

Connor hummed. "I don't like hiding."

"You didn't seem to mind keeping to yourself for years," Jared quipped.

"This is different. Stop being a dick for two seconds?"

Jared shrugged. "Evan?"

"N-No I mean, like, obviously we need to tell some people right? Like my mom, she wouldn't tell anyone. And uh. Alana. At some point."

"Soon," Jared mumbled. "I can handle that."

"Connor would any of your family be safe to tell?" Evan asked.

Connor chuckled. "Safe? I could very well get my ass kicked."

Evan tensed up, "Connor if this is dangerous for you maybe we sh—"

"I'm exaggerating. Chill. Well, Zoe'd be fine. Maybe hold off on the parent thing, they just want to dig up everything on my life and maybe it'll be fine eventually," Connor admitted, scratching his neck. "Or, I leave home when I can. This whole internet famous thing will blow over eventually anyway."

"We are past the peak at this point," Jared shrugged. "That was the fundraiser, but now that's done and attention's dying out. As long as we don't make any sudden movements here, we should be fine for you having a happy ever after."

"And you?" Evan asked,

Jared furrowed his eyebrows. "It's complicated. I'm gonna text Alana, drag her away from whatever event she's at today. You two are fine if I go?"

Connor shrugged and nodded. "Yeah I think we can handle it."

"Do you need anything to eat on the way out?" Evan asked quietly, gesturing back to the kitchen.

Jared shook his head and grabbed his backpack from the living room floor. "I'm good. See you, gay boys."

Connor watched Jared leave the house, already tapping on his phone. "That was fucking weird," Connor muttered as Evan moved back to stand at his side.

"Hey," Evan said softly. Connor looked down at him. "Did I make you uncomfortable with that confrontation or…?"

"Yeah I'm always uncomfortable with like, everything about talking 'bout stuff."

"You know we have to talk about it, r-right? Or else we never know if you're okay with what we're doing."

Connor turned to Evan with a gentle smile. "Yeah, you fucking loser. I know."

"So between you uh. Jared seemed to… t-take the reigns, huh?"

Connor groaned. "Oh God please don't talk about this."

"W-What? I'm just saying he—"

"Evan, _please_."


End file.
